As an immigrant, sometimes I wonder to myself how my life would have been like if my family had stayed in the Philippines. What would I have been like if I did not move to Canada when I was eight? Would I still be the same? 

Growing up, identity became an important theme of exploration to me. Being the new girl who originated across the world, the ability to blend in meant life or death in a room full of eight-year olds.  I remember being purposely seated next to the only other Filipina in my class to help me with the transition of moving into a new country. Being surrounded by countless others who immigrated from their country definitely made the culture shock easier. Nevertheless, there are things that no one else can help you with other than your own self.

 

I was lucky enough to immigrate into a city full of people with similar stories. The friends I made growing up helped me navigate a new world that to this day, I’m still finding my place in. Growing up in a household that holds what might be called “traditional” values, I find myself questioning everything in a country that upholds modern values. At a certain point, I realized that I could not fit into strict categories. Although I appreciated and learned a lot from my Filipino heritage, I could not truly say I was a “Binibining Filipina”. On the other hand, even if I did spend most of my life thus far in Canada, I would not truly consider myself to be solely Canadian. 

 

Living in the twilight zone - a mix of both worlds - was and is difficult. My family could not understand some of my beliefs and some of my friends could not relate to why I cared to cater to what my family thought. Although I am surrounded by other immigrants who face the same difficulties of immigrating and growing up in a country with a different set of ideals compared to the country we were born into, I realize it is up to the individual to seek their balance between the two worlds and create their own.

 

In today’s world, it is normal to have people blend between differing cultural values. This is the case for immigrants and their children. From my experience, being surrounded by so many individuals of different backgrounds helps expand one’s taste palate. I’m grateful to be raised in a traditional household. I would not be the woman I am today without my Filipino values. Because of how close I am to my family, I choose to have an open conversation with them about certain beliefs that I picked up from living most of my life in Canada. The difficulty of introducing some western ideals I chose to uphold like the importance of having an individual identity brought long conversations with my family members that, in the end, brought us closer together.

 

One conversation in particular was having to explain to my mother my beliefs in why women should not be blamed for what they wear. In a country where modesty is a characteristic women are taught to have, she could not understand my viewpoint and called me “too canadian” for my beliefs. Now with many other long conversations, she has the same beliefs and is proud to have raised a daughter who is strong and opinionated. 

 

The difficulty of immigrating into a country is the layers of physical, mental, and emotional adjustments. As the eldest daughter in a Filipino household who immigrated to Canada to live a better life, I face the challenge of upholding traditional values in a country that shows a different set of ideals. Nevertheless, I believe that many other Filipina women and immigrants in general should have the freedom to choose what parts of their culture they want to express and what they want to adopt in their chosen country -  just as immigrants should not be forced to assimilate into the culture, it is okay to also welcome what immigrants want to adopt into their beliefs. 

 

I realize that although I may never know who I would end up being if my family decided to stay in the Philippines, I am grateful to set a new path and choose the type of person I want to be. As they say: “the world is your oyster”!